It has been almost exactly four years to the day that I
started this blog that my marriage ended. So what is my excuse for waiting so
long? Why did I wait four years, writing lessons and stories in retrospect as
opposed to in real time, as they happened?
Truthfully, Fear.
Not fear of rejection. Not fear of retaliation, but fear of
using social media. Even though I am thirty-four years old, I am only somewhat
computer literate and I am technically challenged by today’s standards. Blogs
have been around for years, but I myself have only just started getting into
social media. Oh sure, I have a Facebook page, but I really only use it as a
place to post pictures. I started
a twitter account but I still find myself struggling to come up with
interesting tweets.
Truth is, I have been playing with the idea of writing a
blog for a while now. Writing is my creative outlet. I literally become
depressed and riddled with anxiety when I don’t get to write for a couple of
days. Where novels can take
years to come to life, a blog post takes a day or two. It is practically
instant gratification in comparison.
The Writer’s Mantra is ‘write what you know’. Well, I know
my experiences with marriage and divorce, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and
they are experiences that I think a lot of women can relate to.
And you know what? I think if I had blogged the actual
demise of the relationship in real time, there would have been a lot of
negativity spewed and a lot of blame hurled at my ex-husband. I still shift a
boatload of the blame over on him, but at this point in my life I can admit
that it takes two to break up a marriage. I can admit my mistakes that
contributed to the demise of the marriage.
Four years ago I would have been the victim that laid the
destruction solely at his feet. You would have seen the nastiest thoughts of an imploding
marriage. Oh the things I would have regretted writing after the fact.
After four years, enough time has passed to have
perspective. I can talk about the sadness, the anger, and the loneliness from a
reflective point of view – not a ‘happening-in-the-moment-oh-my-god-should-we-be-worried-about-her’
state of agitation.
www.jenniferschipper.com
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